Guest Post: John McTernan

I love the Labour Party. Whatever anybody says, Labour is my home and I'll be damned if I leave it.

Keir Hardie. What an absolute disgrace that man was. For a start he was a miner, and we all know what a bunch of lefty subversives they were. And as if that wasn't bad enough he was a Scottish miner, the worst, most bolshie kind of Trot on the block. Yet, despite that he did one good thing in his life which was to create the Labour Party. 

Speaking of miners, I'm looking forward to 'St Maggie's Day' being formally introduced by the new Theresa May-led government in recognition of Margaret Thatcher, the woman who saved this country from terminal decline. The way things are going the tories will be in power for the next generation, Thank God, so it's got to be a dead cert.

Why do we even allow unions at all? Back in the good old days subversives were sent in manacles to Botany Bay, and good riddance. Although I can't see the current Australian government being too happy to reinstate that arrangement. Maybe we could launch them into space where they could populate some distant planet and fill it with strikes and picket lines. Reminds me of a nightmare I have often.

Yes, I'm Scottish, but I prefer not to talk about it in polite society. It's a handicap but I've never let it hold me back.  The only thing that bothers me about it are other Scots. Especially the disgusting hordes of flag waving Cybernats. And the SNP, who should all be in jail for their appallingly treacherous disloyalty to the British flag.

And it's all Salmond's fault. That fool's got a lot to answer for. For a kick off politicians have no business holding referenda, they invariably end in tears. Elections are bad enough, God knows. But why a self respecting politician would voluntarily ask the public's opinion on anything is beyond reason. If a politician wants someone's opinion they should ask a special adviser, like Tony used to ask me. The public know fuck all about it and should keep their noses out.

And then having arranged a referendum Salmond starts going around telling people to vote for separation. I can't bring myself to use the word 'independence', the very thought of it makes me physically sick. How could Scotland ever survive outside the safety of the United Kingdom? It's not even funny.

Corbyn, don't get me started. How anyone can be stupid enough to see him as filling the shoes of a political colossus like Tony Blair is beyond me. Just proves how unreliable the public are. I can't watch PMQs any more because of him, reading out those pathetic messages from loser nobodies. He's an embarrassment. Worse than that, he's a danger to himself and others.  And more importantly, to my future as a Spin Doctor.